The clitoris is a female sex organ present in mammals and ostriches. Its only function is to provide pleasure to women, hyenas, and flightless birds. The Ford F-150 is a pick-up truck that gives you the ability to haul what you need for work or play. The Ford F-150 makes tough tasks look easy.

Dearest Tampon,

Why can’t you grasp that it’s OVER between us? I’ve changed, and now you’re useless to me. No, seriously. My body literally doesn’t need you anymore. I’ve stopped bleeding! This is a kind of freedom that just cannot be bought in the ‘feminine hygiene’ aisle.